Remembering my son, Adam James Waymire, born to Richard Waymire & Jane Waymire (now Jane Speidel) on March 11, 1980 in Anderson, Indiana. Adam passed at the age of 24 on November 26, 2004.  I've never known a greater pain and didn't know that it was possible to hurt so much. Forever and ever, you shall have my love Adam-I miss you so much.

Adam, you left and forgot to tell my heart how to live without you.

This is beautiful-Thank you so much Yvonne-Love of Angel Doug Sager


A heart of gold stopped beating

two shining eyes at rest

God broke our hearts to prove

He only Takes the Best


Thank you Yvonne-Love of Angel Douglas Sager

March 11, 2008

Doug & Adam share the same birthdate

Birthday buds/angel friends forever

Thank you Yvonne-love of Angel Douglas Sager

Thank you Cathy-mom of David Giraud

Thank you Yvonne-Love of Angel Douglas Sager

I remember everything about you,

your voice, your smile, your touch,

the way you walked, the way you talked,

the way you looked at me, meant so much.

I remember all the words you said to me,

some funny, some kind, some wise,

all of the things you did for me,

I see now with different eyes.

I remember every moment we shared,

seems like only yesterday,

or maybe it was eons ago,

It's really hard to say.

You are gone from me now,

but one thing they can't take away,

your memory resides inside my heart,

and lights up my darkest days....

I attended this dedication, and the 'survivors of suicide retreat' a very moving experience. It was quite emotional, but yet it was a good experience for me. To be able to share with other survivors was very helpful and I learned that everything that I'm experiencing as a result of Adam's suicide is normal for the tradegy I've suffered.

 I look at all these beautiful faces and wonder why? why? why? The wall was constructed to remember and honour our loved ones. It does not honour, nor does it glorify the act of suicide. We believe in Suicide Awareness and Prevention.  A suicide in the USA alone occurs on the average of every 18 minutes.  There are nearly two attempts of suicide each minute. There is definitely a need for awareness-I don't wish this 'hell' on anyone.

Suicide Information

Under His Legacy

If you or someone you know

is suicidal, please call:

1-800-273-8255 (talk)

It remains a wound that I carry with me; it lies deep and cannot be healed. After years it will be the same as it was the first day.

Vincent Van Gogh

Adam was an 8 month baby~~making his appearance on March 11, 1980 at 12:08 PM. He weighed in at 4 lbs. 15 oz., and was 18 inches in length. I'll never forget the day that he was born! It's a day I'll forever cherish, his birth was an easy one. He was born with a head full of dark hair, just like his daddies, with wavy curls in the very back, and dark brown eyes. Checking to make sure that he had all his fingers/toes, and that all was in place as it should be, I'll never forget my very first words, "Oh Bearsy, he's beautiful, I want another one" Not many women declare that they want another baby just moments after giving birth. I remember how I felt the very moment that I saw him--I was in love all over again! I felt on top of the world. I couldn't wait to get to the telephone to tell everyone about my newborn son. But.....they kept me in recovery for an hour checking my vitals every 15 minutes. That was a very long hour, they wouldn't bring my baby to me, nor would they let me near a telephone!! I can only imagine the way that Mary felt when she gave birth to Jesus--she had God's child. Every child is precious, and birth is an everyday miracle.




Growing up, Adam was highly energetic, and I think he forgot what naps were at about the age of 9 months. He was tiny, but that didn't stop him from being a handful. He was also very bright and quick to learn. He possessed a loving nature and had a tender soft, caring heart. He was witty, funny and could make anyone laugh. He was an entertainer and loved being he center of attention. He enjoyed baseball and tennis, but disliked homework. He was a wonderful child/typical though with bouts of crankiness, sometimes hard to deal with. He never caused any trouble as he grew up. He kept his nose clean, and was a very responsible young man.



He began working for General Motors (Guide Corporation) at the age of 19, that's when he left the nest getting his own apartment. He did great at first, later buying his own home at the age of 22. He was a very responsible young man, working and caring for his home/vehicle/possessions. All was well with the world. Then the depression set in, and responsibility went out the window, but he hid it so very well. I thought at first that he was working too many overtime hours. I didn't realize how deeply depressed he was becoming. His own words that I've read since his passing, "I am fine when I am with family and friends, it's when I'm all alone". I'm left to wonder, what he meant exactly. What did he mean by "It's", just what was "it's" that had him so depressed? He knew that he could call me 24/7; I was always there for him--and he did call me at the oddest of times. He suffered depression in his later years, which I didn't discover that he had problems until about April/May of 2004. It wasn't until he moved in with me in September of 2004 that I realized how deeply depressed he was-he could no longer hide it, and even then I still didn't realize the depth of his depression. His pain was insurmountable, however, I feel I did my best to help him--in this I have NO regrets. I was able to get him into my counselor with whom he felt very comfortable. I thought that he was doing better, even the counselor told me that she didn't see it coming and she's a professional. This is how well that Adam hid his deepest inner pain. Adam died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound on November 26, 2004. WHY?  I keep asking WHY?  I too died that day! My heart stopped when his did! I die everyday, but still I walk upon the face of this earth, hurting--the pain is incredible. I feel as though someone plucked their fist through my chest yanking my heart out, stomped all over it, and just left me to die over and over again.

I cry daily for you Adam, you were and still are very much loved~~~~ALWAYS AND FOREVER you'll be remembered, loved and missed. You were my life, my reason for living. For 24 years, 8 months and 15 days, you brought me the greatest joy, reason and purpose for this life as we know it. My heart aches to hold you again. I miss your bone crushing hugs. I miss your smile, the sound of your voice-your laugh, your witty humor and your sweet kiss upon my cheek. You made that one final phone call to me--your very last words were, "I love you mom". You didn't give me an opportunity to even tell you that I loved you too. Little did I know that you were about to take your own life. I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU FOREVER & EVER. I walk by faith that one day, we shall be reunited at Heavens gate. When that day arrives, it's for eternity, never will we reside in separate 'worlds' again.
   You came one month prematurely, but left years, many-many years prematurely.



All rights reserved by Jane Speidel

Extending my heart-felt appreciation and thanks to everyone who lights a candle or writes a tribute, or remembers us in thought and prayers. It is a comfort to know that others care. Please use your true name when writing tributes and/or lighting candles. Thank you-Jane



The song that you are listening to is titled PAIN, by the group Jimmy Eat World.  About two weeks prior to Adam's passing, he wanted to 'disect' this song. I came home from work, he had printed out two copies of the lyrics. We spent nearly three hours picking this song apart and sharing our thoughts with one another as to its meaning. Adam was addicted to HYDROCODONE, a prescription pain medication. He told me if he could write a song about his addiction, this is exactly the way that he himself would have wanted to write it.



PLEASE JUST LET ME CRY

Please don't ask me
if I am over it yet.
Please don't tell me that I should be over it.
I'll never be over it.
Please don't tell me
he is in a better place.
He isn't here with me!
He didn't give himself a chance to
experience all the joys this life has to offer.
Please, don't say
at least he isn't suffering.
I haven't come to terms with
why he had to suffer at all.
Please don't tell me
you know how I feel,
unless you have lost a child.
Please don't ask me if I feel better.
Bereavement isn't a condition
that clears up.
Please, don't tell me
at least you had him so long.
What date would you choose for
your child to die?
Calculate 24 years, 8 months & 15 days
from the date of your child's birth
Is that long enough for you?
Please don't tell me God never
gives us more than we can bear.
Please, just tell me you are sorry.
Please just say you remember
my son, if you do.
Please mention his name
For he did exist
and was very much loved & wanted.
Please,  just let me cry-PLEASE?

So many people just don't understand.
I don't want you to understand.
I don't want you to know this pain.
Just let me cry, please.
I am still trying to learn
how to breathe without him.
Somedays, it's very difficult to find the strength
just to crawl out of bed.

Please-JUST LET ME CRY

The Waterbug Story

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of waterbugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond.

They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look"! said one of the water bugs to another, "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she's going"? Up, up, up it slowly went...Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return....

"Thats funny"! said one water bug to another..."Wasn't she happy here"? asked a second..."Where do you suppose she went"? wondered a third...No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally, one of the water bugs gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why". "We promise" they said solemnly.

One spring day not long after the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went.  Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water and fallen into the broad and free lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come over his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail.

Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from his new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself above the water.

He had become a dragonfly. Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere.

By and by the new dragonfly landed happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

Then the dragonfly remembered the promise, without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water....

"I can't return"! he said in dismay. "At least I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went".

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.....

Written by D. Stickney

Memories Are Golden

They say memories are golden, Well maybe that is true. We never wanted memories, We only wanted you.

A million times we needed you; A million times we cried. If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly; In death, we love you still, In our hearts you hold a place, No one could ever fill.